The Texas loop system: plague of a directionally challenged journalist

I get lost in malls.

Seriously. I will go out of a store and blithely walk the way I came for about 5 stores until I realize, “Wait, I’ve already seen all this.”

This, as you might be able to guess, presents a slight challenge to a reporter who is actually supposed to go out and report on things happening places that are not directly across the street.

So a week ago, I had to go to New Braunfels, which is about 45 minutes away from the newspaper offices, to report on a story.

First of all, the downtown exits are in weird places. And Mapquest is not helpful.

This is what it tells me to do:

“1: Start out going NORTHEAST on AVENUE E toward THIRD.”

OK. Look at this map. The little star is where my car is. So, I look around and see the sign for 3rd Street.

So I think, Oh, that must be where I’m going. I go around in two large circles before I finally try the other way. It takes me ten minutes to get out of downtown San Antonio.

Also, where I come from, aka Florida, aka PLANET EARTH, we have actual highways that go straight in one direction or another. San Antonio has what is called a “loop” system, with all kinds of crazy access roads and “loops.” (If you don’t understand, it’s OK. Neither do I.)

Actual loop system

There are “turnarounds” and yield signs and lots of other really confusing things.

Alternate view of loop system.

Somehow, I managed to make it to my location, which was in the midst of picturesque hay bales and barns.

I hate driving. I go home, where my mom tells me, “If you see something where the directions say, ‘Make a U-turn,’ just ignore it. Mapquest gets confused by the loop system.”

You and me both, Mapquest.